Ten things you can do

• Organize a local chapter of the Anti-grunge Society. Innumerable people are joining every day, and you will want to be a part of this vibrant, exciting movement.

• Write letters to companies that produce grunge and tell them that you will no longer be buying any of their products. This will put them on notice that their shenanigans will not be tolerated.

• In the next election, seriously consider voting for candidates running on the Anti-grunge Party line. Every vote against grunge counts; why not make yours count too instead of throwing it away on major-party candidates?

• Bake cookies, cakes, and pies and use food coloring or frosting to decorate them with slogans such as "Down with sneakers!" or "No more sweat pants!" Then distribute them to your friends and neighbors so that they will be aware of the importance of the anti-grunge movement.

• Wear a sandwich board promoting the anti-grunge philosophy and walk through your neighborhood distributing literature explaining why grunge is bad-- and why you are not wearing a t-shirt saying the same thing.

• When you go to your flagpole to raise your flag in the morning, leave it at half-mast as a visible sign of your sorrow at the insipid incursion of grunge into the very fiber of society. Also consider raising the official Anti-grunge flag, now available by mail order.

• Attend the annual Anti-grunge March, which is held every August 5 in Washington, DC and Ottawa, Ontario. This year's march promises to have the largest crowd ever to rally in support of decent clothes, so make plans now in case hotels and motels are booked solid that week.

• If you have extra Web space, become a mirror site of the Anti-grunge page. This way, if the authorities close the primary site or left-wing or right-wing paramilitary groups vandalize it, the anti-grunge message will not go unheard.

• Write letters to major magazines opposing the spread of grunge and insisting that dressy clothes can be comfortable as well. Explain also that life is more than just being comfortable, anyway.

• Rent the 1956 Warner Bros. short Bugs Bonnets and show it to your friends and neighbors. Also arrange to screen it at your local public library, church, or temple or to any non-profit, charitable, or service organizations to which you belong. The donations you will receive will help fund further anti-grunge efforts.