Baldwin, NY (June 29)-- By a unanimous vote, the Anti-grunge Council has condemned several additional types of grunge that were not included in the group's original definition of grunge. The Council then issued an amended definition of grunge to reflect the vote.
According to the resolution, the additional categories are "money belts, shirts or sweaters tied around the waist, sunglasses not worn for health reasons, tube tops, elevator or platform shoes, shirts or blouses not tucked underneath pants or skirts, strapless dresses or gowns, backless dresses or gowns, cargo pants, and bandannas." A resolution to include exposed white socks was tabled as being too "elitist" but may be considered at a future meeting.
"The Anti-grunge Council has received numerous reports of problems related to these articles of clothing," explained a spokesman. "They have become all too prevalent in recent years, and the time has come for society to raise its head from the sand and begin to address this serious problem," he added.
According to one report, a 70-year-old man fainted when exposed at a wedding reception to a twenty-year-old girl wearing a low-cut, strapless gown. The man later died of head injuries received as he hit the tile floor beneath him. Numerous reports of tube tops which fell too low for safety have also been logged by the Council. "Immediate action was required," explained the spokesman for the Council.
Asked why these types of clothes were overlooked initially, the spokesman said, "Well, slip-ups are bound to occur, and the occasional error is inevitable-- but the Council should be commended for recognizing that it was wrong and for taking prompt action to correct the oversight. If only the general public would be as quick to correct its gutter-level standards of dress!"
The Council's complete definition of grunge now reads, "wearing jeans and denim of any kind, exposed t-shirts, shirts or sweaters tied around the waist, shirts or blouses not tucked underneath pants or skirts, tank tops, tube tops, halter tops, shorts, 'skorts,' sweat pants or sweatsuits, 'leggings,' mini-skirts and dresses above the knee, slitted dresses or skirts, strapless dresses or gowns, backless dresses or gowns, sleeveless garments, cargo pants, dungarees, overalls, bathing suits, lingerie, leather jackets, fatigues, bandannas, baseball caps, sunglasses not worn for health reasons, money belts, elevator or platform shoes, sneakers, sandals, thongs, hiking boots, cleats, or clogs."
"If anyone can think of anything else that needs to be added, the Council wants to hear about it right away," explained the spokesman. "The Anti-grunge Council wants to remain at the forefront of the anti-grunge movement, and the assistance of the public will be greatly appreciated."