In a meeting held at a secret location, the Anti-Grunge Council took up the question of how to categorize face masks, a heretofore unraised and unanswered question. While arguments on all sides of the issue were considered, the answer was plainly obvious to the entire Council, which authorized the issuance of the following statement:
"After careful deliberation and due consideration, in light of the present situation of unrestrained mass insanity of the populace, and with regard to the need for clear, uninhibited, logical education of the population by a respected organization of good character, the Anti-Grunge Council hereby declares that face masks are clearly grunge and have no place in civilized society, except in hospitals, nursing homes, doctors' offices, and highly dusty industrial environments such as coal mines. In the case of doctors' offices, only the doctor is exempt from the normal standards of human decency as he sees patients in the course of his work. All other instances of wearing face masks are hereby condemned completely, conculsively, and concisely. Attempts by government officials at any level to mandate the use of face masks are equally condemned as disgraceful, unfounded in logic, and unbecoming civilized human beings."